Sweet Serenity

Thoughts of the Past

 On these page you will be able to read through a selection of some of the things I've wrote before. Some are Poems that I've written since I was studying. Some are the things I wanted to voice out. Why am putting these here and not on my blog section?

Well, I wanted to share these to y'all first since these are something that i've written in the past. And my Blog station would be a compilation of my present and future thoughts...

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Becoming Jeremmie (01-11-08)

 Right now am so into watching Korean Drama's that I decided to google for my korean name but I was having a hard time since my name isn't that commonly used. Through my seacrh I stumble upon some site saying that I could find out the meaning behind my name. I've tried it but with no luck i can't seem to find its meaning. So, I tried researching for the meaning of my name.

My real name is Jeremmie. Some people might get confused when they hear that. They thought that I'm a guy, (but I'm DEFINITELY a girl!!). That is so true when I was in school. I always find my name under the boys roster. So, I was always mistaken for a guy. Which is really troublesome. Not to mention the pain I have to go through dealing with seating arrangements, credentials and subjects.

There are quite a few ways on how to know the meaning of my name. Literally, the name is derived from the first syllable of my dad's name which is "Je" for Jesus. The last 2 syllables are from my mom's which is "Remie" for Remedios. But to make it a bit different they decided to make it with 2 "m's". That is how my name was created, "Jeremmie." Which makes sense now right?!

Based from what i learned through this little research of mine, Jeremmie or mostly spelled as Jeremy was derived from the name Jeremiah which is a prophet in the bible. The name Jeremiah also has its literal meaning which is "to uplift by God."

In the webster thesaurus, Jeremiah has it's similar meaning of "serene" which means calm.

The etymology of my name was derived from the latin word "serenus" which also means clear, cloudless, untroubled in short Serenity.

Serene or serenity was always associated with the moon because of its tranquility.

Come to think of it, I've always been fascinated by the moon that I've come to love the story behind it. What would it be? The mytholoogy of the Moon Goddess, Selene, and Endymion.(If you don't know the story feel free to ask me.) People who knew me would know how much I loved Greek and Roman Mythology but I think they wouldn't know why. Well its because of this story. That fascination probably started when I was in highschool. Back then, I still don't know that my name would somehow create the link between these facts.

Analyzing my characteristics I've come to realize how I grew up to be Jeremmie. Am I loosing you?!? I guess so... to say it differently, I've come to realize how I grew up to be living the meaning of my name. Make sense?!? Haha.. To elaborate, let's start with the bits and pieces of me. I'm an insomiac, I'm usually awake in the evening where the moon is up. Why I came to be like that? Because I find it really convinient for me. It's peaceful and quiet since everyone is sleeping. Night time was my comfort zone. And until now I still am like that. I'm a Taurus. The say that the Taurus personality is thought to be calm and peaceful.(ring a bell?!?) Am I making sense now? Due to my fascination with the moon goddess, I've learned to adore her which led me to study Wiccan. I guess it just suits me since I've always have interest with the occult. I know that ur probably raising your brows now most especially with my friends or family reading this. How can I say that when I'm a born Catholic. It may sound like a heresy. Well, heresy or not, I have my own faith to believe in. I may not be the perfect daughter or sister or friend but i was never bad to begin with. I have my own point of views about certain things but that doesn't mean i don't have faith. Just like the prophet Jeremiah whose my name is derived from. He was a man of Valor. I have my own personal bravery. If it is for my views or opinions, it is mine and just mine alone, that is my strength.

Those are just a few things... If you'll gonna let me, this page isn't enough to go through it all.

The bottom line is. I've grew to love my own name, though I've hated it so much before. But to become my own name, that is something that I could be proud of. Well, on a girl's point of view "serene" is better that "jeremmie" don't you think?? LOLz, just kidding.. To loose the name Jeremmie is to loose my own uniqueness!

How about you? Do you know the meaning behind your own name?

Neglected (08-17-07)

 
i log on to the internet every single day... yahoo mail, friendster, facebook, hi5, chikka... for what, you might ask?? i dunno... i guess to check if someone missed me... like my love ones... my friends... i was thinking if i ever mattered to them... wondering if they ever thought of me the way i have thought of them... i know that i may never be in their list of most important people in their lives.. i was just hoping that somehow i left them something to remember me by... like if they were going out to eat would they even mention me somehow? i know for a fact that at times i may be the somewhat-boring person in the group... wishful thinking that somehow i have been a part of their life even for just a second... that's why when i open my mail or check my profile account and found that i haven't got a single message nor no one viewed me i always get disappointed like i was forgotten already... i'm the type of person that's always holding on to things whether it is a thing, relationship, situation.... am somewhat thoughtful of all those people that mattered to me... always keeping in touch... then it feels like i was being pushed away and gives me the feeling that they don't want me in their life anymore... that hurts me so much.. like i was being used... that they just knew me when they need me and when they don't im pushed in a corner... it's not that i want their world to be built around me, am not really asking much, just want to be appreciated sometimes... that somehow i touched their lives and become a part of it even for a little while.. that somehow i mattered... some might think that im feeling this now coz am homesick or far away from home... that's not it... even when i was still in the philippines it had been like this.. always took for granted... like when i throw up parties or get together with my friends so that we can catch up on things happening on our lives yet they always have excuses not to come, i remembered one time it was my birthday and i've invited all of my closest friends... i cooked and prepared a lot of things but no one showed up, they texted me at the last minute that they couldn't make it.. ended up throwing everything i prepared and spent my birthday alone in my apt... and i just said to myself "what a great way to spend a birthday!" its just such a shame coz i kept convincing myself that probably they really are just too busy to even remember me... or that they have other important things to do... just so it wouldn't hurt so much... i've kept this feelings for so long that i couldn't even remember when i started realizing, that's how the people dear to me are treating me.... and it's just sad coz they don't realize how much it would mean to me that they somehow cared about me... but still i never stopped caring for all these people... i never stopped communicating with them... though sometimes it's always me that's left hurting... i was wondering if they really meant the words "i'll always be here for you..." or would it be just a way of saying " i still need you that's why im keeping you..." and now, im having a hard time starting my life here in canada coz i'm afraid to be just another "shock-absorber" or someone they can use... i'm having a hard time building relationships with people because of these fears... it's enough that i've been hurting for a long time... and it would be too much already if i would go through that same pain again... i just wish people comes true to what they say... as of this time, im still learning and getting used to not be upset or sad if i won't see a text message or an email when i open my accounts... and still learning to trust again.... and slowly picking up pieces of me but then again thats a different story...

"that friendships are the most sacred, most precious, most life giving stuff of human life." -Bo Sanchez, You can make your life beautiful

Am I Ready?!? (06-16-07)

why is it the feeling of sadness never leaves me? its like no matter how fullfilled i am there is still a lot of things missing. a feeling of emptiness.. i thought that once i have a better life, the sadness would go away.. that it would be enough to cover up the regrets and mistakes i've done in the past... yet it's still here.. the feeling of emptiness... it won't go away... i thought that if i would be inlove and be committed to a man it might fill the missing part of me... that's why i am so eager to be on a relationship... but then again, no matter how hard i try it doesn't seem to work.. i was to obsessed in falling in love that i don't even know the meaning of it or how it really feels to love someone... thats when i questioned myself, am i capable of loving someone beyond their fault? all these years i didn't took the risk, fearing that it would cause me so much pain... i know from experience how to really get hurt from loving someone... since that day, i made my own safety net. i put a rein on my own feelings... telling myself to hold back... i thought that the less feelings i put in loving someone the less pain it would be... then i realized, i have never moved on.. i may have forgotten that i loved someone... but the pain that was caused by loving someone so much was kept inside me all these years.. it was like being trapped in a limbo and because of that i can't get out... i wish i could... now i was thinking, would this sadness be here still once i've learned how to really love again... i just hope not... its too much to bear... now, what's just left is to take the risk... am i ready?

Regrets... (04-03-06)

"what had i done wrong in my life? too much regrets filled my miserable soul. words left unspoken... questions left unanswered... actions left undone... Would lies make any difference to ease my aching heart? would it just suppress the painful truth? Or would it always be a hunting ghost of the past? wherein no matter how hard i run and hide away from it there would always come a time where it will come to you when you least expect it... if only i wasn't too afraid to face the consequences, i might have done something differently. if only i could turn back the hands of time, the coward in me wouldn't have these tears in her eyes.. I guess telling the truth wouldn't help much, Coz that would just be too overwhelming... Mixed emotions wells-up.. confusion... denials... depression...
This just proves that you cannot please everyone... too bad, regrets are always at the end!"

Thoughts... (11-19-05)

is it too much to ask for little happiness?
just enough to keep me alive...
just enough to keep my sanity tight...
is it wrong to ask for something that feels so right?

Thoughts.. (11-18-05)

what words can soothe a shaken heart?
behind those laughters lies a sad thought...
amidst all what the world can offer,
there hides the miseries of a lonely soul...

Poems are made by Fools like Me.... (07-01-05)

Once i thought that life is just as simple as the birds and the bees... the flowers and the trees... and that thing called love... but i guess you just have to learn it the hard way... at times i felt bitter... at times i felt lost in this crazy thing called life... yet i always say to myself "everything happens for a reason!" though i thought that "life is death sugar-coated and wrapped in glittering paper..." now... how do i feel? does it really matter if i answered this question? i guess not! but for some reasons i want to tell everyone what i felt though i know that in this world nobody gives a damn to whatever i say or feel... reality bites... life is cruel and unfair... and so i may say... do you think that this is just about me??? well think again!?!? haven't you felt the same at one time or another???

 

These are now the poems that I made when I was still studying... I know that somehow its a bit childish... well, I'm just a kid back then... Lolz... There are alot more but Im too lazy to type all of it... LoLz

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