do i like hurting myself?
emotionally?
i guess i do... coz i always thought that by doing that, i can make myself numb of the pain. that the constant pain would become part of me. so that if i really do feel like hurting then the feeling won't be too foreign. realizing what pain is and how it works is something i wanted to learn. coz if i do know it, i would have better chances of recovering from my fall. yet, i also ask myself, how long do i have to hurt to get numb? coz no matter what i do, the pain just won't go away like what i hoped for. i cried more than my lifetime's worth of tears yet the tears won't stop from falling. i hurted more than my lifetime's worth of pain yet the pain won't ease. will there be a time where these tears would stop from falling? will there come a time when im gonna stop from hurting? will it be soon? someday? never?
coz i want to have that feeling where
"After great pain, a formal feeling comes. The Nerves sit ceremonious, like tombs."
~Emily Dickinson (1830-1886) American poet.
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