Sweet Serenity - An Open Journal

Lost Soul....

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 23:43:54 +0700

I would like to play music, learn to play an instrument.
I wanted to right my own novel or a screenplay.
I wanted to learn how to paint.
I wanted to design my own clothes..
I wanted to do so much things. But for wahat reason?
I guess I wanted to leave something behind. I wanted to be remember for something.
I wanted to make my mark in this world.
But if I would do that. Do whatever I like and be selfish. Won't I just be hurting those people who rely on my the most? My family needs me. I know that. Whatever I do, I need to consider them. I can't do as I always please.
They say do justice before charity. So instead of me wanting to do volunteer work I'd rather have that extra time spent in earning a living. I wanted to learn a new language but I even if I can afford to do so, I'd rather save that money to give to my family. And time is too precious to me. Sometimes doing something for myself is a luxury.

If I decide to stay and continue living then I have to forget about myself.
I always say to myself that My happiness is my family's happiness. Being unselfish is rewarding but slowly I looses my self. My own identity. Every single day spent was just like a routine. Doing things like you are programmed to do. Being able to satisfy my loved ones should make me feel great inside right? Yet why does it feel like I'm slowly dying while still breathing.

But if I do become the selfish person who has all the time in this world and all the money to do everything. Why do I feel awful? Just thinking about it. I don't have atleast one particular thing I wanted to do. I feel so lost. I don't know what to do. Where to start living. I can feel my head spinning. What do I do?

Being the good child. I always do what I was told. And now, I've lost the ability to make my own decisions. Lost the ability to make my own choices. I feel like a dog that just lost its master. Doing things on instinct without even reasoning. Keeping on walking with no exact place to go to.

This is what I feel. Its just a choice between being unselfish and slowly dying inside or be selfish and become a lost soul.

Still procrastinating....

"When people are taken out of their depths they lose their heads, no matter how charming a bluff they may put up." ~anonymous

My Cy ViPs... <33333

Tue, 20 Jan 2009 11:37:46 +0700

This is for my cy vip's who makes me smile everyday...(in no particular order) Well, im sure i forgot someone, im just gonna edit this once i remember who. ^.~

xxkimcheeisawesomexx - waleh ko. i can't remember anymore how you became my waleh but im glad i met you.. your a sweetheart but sometimes you scare me especially when your pissed. i hope that this time everything will work out with you-know-who.. i love you waleh ko!

kabeezzle - kb-chan. the founder of cy vip. you girl really amazes me. i still remember how the vip started. and still keep wondering why the hell did i do that! whahahaha... but after that naughty act cy vip became the official name of the second cy room on stickam. and am glad that i could hang out with you guys. you know how much i love you, so can we exchange names now? ^^,

harlequin/ghost - zald! zem zoves zou zo zuch! zets zind zour zeys zogether. zope zou zan zind zours zight zaway. zambatte ne!?! rawr! he is hmong. damn, how can you sleep so much? and don't get drunk again. lol. and quit changing sn's. stop lurking! lol...

PaulWallBaby - gooniegoogoo. you haven't sent me those gloves yet!!! you crack me so much, but quit pedoing and get help. porn isn't everything. lol. and no am not moving to LA, well, not if your there! lol, nah... am gonna go see you if there will come a time i go visit there.

Tomasu - tommy... damn, those vids really crack me up! my tummy was really hurting. lol.
so hows my cat? aww i miss my shadow... lol.. well, take care of him for me will ya?!?

kim - mijung, my girl. my cy bff. we share the same likes for nik but don't worry his wife won't find out! lol. come to canada! your love is here remember? saranghae! ^.~

anitazz - *bites you real hard.. bump queen.. spammer! a self-confesed masochist. lol. the room keeper during the day. she is happily being bored.

munchkinbaby555 - molly! omg.... you get bored easily aren't you? lol. coz im doing this and you've become ani, henry, heero, ghost in just less than 15 minutes. lol.

nivra_ - arvin.. lol.. or should i say jennifer?!? damn, you kid surely know how to strip! don't you get cold being always naked? lol... pretty kid... lol..

ziezie - bewbies! i miss your puppet show.. when will be a next one? lol..

xxabbyxx - hardlover, abby... sweetheart i know that there are alot of things that confuses you. and that you are eager to know. but try to wait.. you dont have to grow up fast. lol.. enjoy being a kid.. kk?!?

stuci - staci, keep up the good work. you got same real great talent for drawing. you really captured the real essence of me on your pictures. really.. i havent seen so much bewbies in one night! lol.

kyuxx - andy... yeah i know im smexier and hotter than you... lol... don't get too upset with the b-thing i mean you can still make up for it.. cheer up.. i miss you singing too.. well, i guess your busy dating.. lol... well, say hi to melanie for me.. ^^

manleyg - hey kid.. welcome to the darkside.. lol... well, once you came in you know it'll be hard to get out.. you know what am talking about.. anyway.. enjoy your stay.. its always fun talking to you. btw, hows that site coming? anything new on it?

henryman - emoh kid. damn, stop loosing things! how careless can you get? i love it though when your emoh, and when you dance rant.

lawrenceO_O - I Love You Lawrence Albert.. i always keep saying that coz i mean it. don't hide your face. your a very handsome kid and you know that. too bad you can only go on stickam during weekends. but thats ok. so how's that A coming? i'm sure you'll get there. kailan kita ulit maririnig mag-gitara, huh?

heero15 - ang rakista ng vip. lol. keep it up kiddo. you got great talents. you still got 2 months. practice and study hard. i know you'll make it in there. i got faith in you. and stay away from mj or else im gonna give you a whooping! i mean it! that's a big no-no. pag-pray ka ni ate. ^^

supa_asian - lincy! i miss you krumping girl. you know am your fan. and please grow your hair long again.. hehe... i guess you are busy lately your so exhausted when you get on stickam. i'll never forget you dance battle with david. it was the awesomest thing ive ever seen. ^^

iTokie - damn rabbit... haven't i said enough on that vid? lol.. you know how i love you shirtless. im definitely gonna win the next bet.. i hope.. so when will that be???

KtTheLegend - vampire prince, katie, kt, zombie... how can there be such a hot and sexy creature like you? lol.. not drunk today aren't you? well, don't just drink booze.. i know you hated doing grocery shopping but damn, you need to eat sometimes too. lol.. and if your planning to get drunk count me in.. don't finish all the booze by yourself. don't try to deny it coz i know when you are drunk! ^.~

kat_kat - girl you know how to really dance.. woohoo! i loved recording you.

Thanks for making my boring life exciting you guys! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!! it won't be the same when i start working again.. awww... thinking about it right now just makes my heart hurt.

well atleast i can say or borrow the line:

"I didn't find my friends; the good Lord gave them to me."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882) U.S. poet, essayist and lecturer.

Pain

Tue, 20 Jan 2009 00:59:34 +0700

do i like hurting myself?
emotionally?
i guess i do... coz i always thought that by doing that, i can make myself numb of the pain. that the constant pain would become part of me. so that if i really do feel like hurting then the feeling won't be too foreign. realizing what pain is and how it works is something i wanted to learn. coz if i do know it, i would have better chances of recovering from my fall. yet, i also ask myself, how long do i have to hurt to get numb? coz no matter what i do, the pain just won't go away like what i hoped for. i cried more than my lifetime's worth of tears yet the tears won't stop from falling. i hurted more than my lifetime's worth of pain yet the pain won't ease. will there be a time where these tears would stop from falling? will there come a time when im gonna stop from hurting? will it be soon? someday? never?

coz i want to have that feeling where

"After great pain, a formal feeling comes. The Nerves sit ceremonious, like tombs."
~Emily Dickinson (1830-1886) American poet.

What is so great about love?

Mon, 12 Jan 2009 18:37:49 +0700

I just thought.. "whats so great about love that I'm so obssessed with it?"
For some reasons I don't even know what it is. I haven't felt it. Thats probably why I wanted it so badly. I am inlove of the thought of being inlove. Sometimes I question myself, Do I really have to experience it in order for me to stop wanting it? What is so good about it? It can just lead to heartache. They say Love isn't love if you don't experience its pains. But why is that all that I feel is heartache? I've heard somewhere that unrequitted love isn't considered love at all since it is not being recieved by the other person and isn't given back to you. For love to become love it has to be give and take. Then I realized, thats the only love that i know, and sadly it isn't considered love at all. That is why I just wasted half of my life on nothing. So I guess that what it is... Love is an illusion that man created to satisfy the need for someone else. Its a misconception of what it means the most. Love isn't for everyone. Love itself isn't perfect. It is just a selfish way of creating the reasons to boast to everyone else that the feelings of love can make you happy. That its the only reason for me to continue living. But love itself is so difficult to find. If man and woman is born to love and spends his and her entire lifetime searching for it, it would be such a waste to die without finding it. Even if they decided not to look for it, Its longing to feel that kind of emotion is far to great to ignore and would be left hurting. So I guess love is also a curse. If you find it you get hurt and if you don't you'll get hurt still. so if you'll look at it closely, love isn't so great after all. But the again, I just want to fall inlove. Whether I get hurt in the end, atleast i could say my life isn't such a waste.

I wish for love! So, I end it with this....
"I met in the street a very poor young man who was in love. His hat was old, his coat worn, his cloak was out at the elbows, the water passed through his shoes -- and the stars through his soul. "
~Victor Hugo (1802-1885) French poet, dramatist and novelist.

Remakes

Mon, 02 Jun 2008 15:06:01 +0700

I love watching movies, dramas and soaps. Be it filipino or american. Right now am much into other asian dramas like korean, japanese and taiwanese. There had been alot of great dramas made by them like My Lovely Sam Soon, Fullhouse & My Girl. Now the 2 major networks in the Philippines have decided to make remakes of there dramas. Because of this there had been several discussions whether or not there should be philippine versions of these dramas from forums of Asian Video streaming sites like AZNV.tv and Crunchyroll.com where I am both an active member. Why am I blogging about it? Well, I just got worked up with all the fussing of those people against these because personally i'm not against remakes.
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Here is my say on the subject matter:

I agree that Filipinoes can make good qualiy shows/drama/movies...
but remake isn't a bad idea too... it just shows that filipinoes are good actors and actresses.

Why make a fuss about remakes?

Everyone does it like hanakimi both have japanese and taiwanese version
and now japan will also make a remake of the drama "the devil" which is originally a korean drama.
and there is Ugly Betty which is a remake of Betty La Fea.

do i have to mention some more remakes?
so why not filipinoes right????

Doing remakes does NOT make us filipinoes second best.

Whether you feel it made justice on the original one. well, that is their version! so don't expect the remake to go exactly as the first one.
If you want it exactly the same way as the original one then what's the use of a remake, right? makes sense?

and as for the cast. Not everyone will always be pleased, there would always be someone who would fuss.

For the show if you feel that its just a waste of time then don't watch it! noone is forcing you to!
Whether you like it or not. The drama will be aired even if you watch it or not!

Lastly....
If the original writers, producers and actors don't mind that their drama is being remaked then why would you??? From their point of view they believed that the philippine version will do justice to the original version or they wouldn't have agreed to give them rights for the remakes. Point taken???

So for those people who makes it a big deal for remakes? You better think twice, unless you can have a petition to stop the film industry in doing remakes then you can fuss all you like if not then stop complaining!!!

Am a filipino and I am proud of it!!!!”

[This post can be seen on both forums of CR and AZNV under serenityfelwitch.]
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For those who love to criticize, I leave you with this...
"The pleasure we feel in criticizing robs us from being moved by very beautiful things." ~Jean de la Bruyère (1645-1696) French satiric moralist.

A Date

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 14:48:16 +0700

I've read this story from someone else's blog and it really touched my heart.

Never ever take for granted any one in you're life. Saying these kind words like i love you and take care are just a few but you would never know how much it will mean to the other person. Take time to notice those simple things you have neglected in life and do something about it. being busy is not an excuse to forget the things or people in your life that really mattered no matter how insignificant they are. Coz someday you might regret those that have not been said or done for you just lost that time. Enjoy the story...

"I hope it touches your heart the way it touched mine.."

I love you!

Take Care!

Thank You!

this goes out to my family esp my parents.

& to my friends whom that i've known forever & those that I just met.

love, Jem

********

A DATE

After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said I love you but I know this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you. The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.

That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie. "What's wrong, are you well," she asked? My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news.

"I thought that it would be pleasant to be with you," I responded. "Just the two of us." She thought about it for a moment, and then said, "I would like that very much."

That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up. I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary.

She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's.

"I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed, "she said, as she got into the car. "They can't wait to hear
about our meeting". We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Large print. Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips. "It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small," she said. "Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favor," I responded.

During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation -nothing extraordinary, but catching upon recent events of each other's life. We talked so much that we missed the movie.

As we arrived at her house later, she said, "I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you." I agreed.

"How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home. "Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined," I answered.

A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't have time to do anything for her.

Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined.

An attached note said: "I paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure that I could be there but nevertheless, I paid for two plates - one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me. I love you, son."

At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time: "I LOVE YOU!" and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve. Nothing in life is more important than God and your family. Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till "some other time.

Something to ponder:

"We sometimes take our love ones for granted, and we expect that they will be with us forever." ----Catherine Pulsifer

Express yourself....

Thu, 27 Mar 2008 21:23:03 +0700

After 5 days I could say that I actually finished my site. Why I decided to create this site? There are a few good reasons. It is probably I've got alot of sleepless nights to spare. So instead of watching those internet dramas I might as well do something worthwhile. Then there is also the reason that I wanted something that might connect me to other people instead of just using friendster or facebook. Or probably I just want a place to call my own, where my friends and loved ones can come visit and chat with me or leave me a message.

No matter what reasons I have, the bottom part is, I wanted to be heard, to communicate. Alot of people might not realize this but deep within the human soul you know you wanted to be heard. Whether you are complaining, preaching, arguing, debating or blogging you know you have something to say. There are a lot of topics that once you get started you can't even stop. That is why people invented tools specifically for this. Just like what I am doing now. This is what my site is all about. Have you ever wondered why there are a lot of Community sites, Video Blogs, Forums even IMs and ChatRooms? It is because we know that no matter what we say here in the world wide web, you know that there will be someone who is willing to listening. Someone who is willing to read what you have to say or to blog. Unlike the world outside these pages, there is always restrictions. Whether its personal, political or religious restrictions it's always there. Not that the cyberspace don't have rules but chances are we don't feel pressured saying what our concerns are about.

So with all that is said, I know I made my point.

Now I leave you with this:

"There is no pleasure to me without communication: there is not so much as a sprightly thought comes into my mind that it does not grieve me to have produced alone, and that I have no one to tell it to."

Michel Eyquem de Montaigne (1533-1592) French philosopher and essayist.

blogger trouble

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 19:44:00 +0700

I was so ready to post my latest blog for today however things don't always go the way you planned it to be. This isn't how I imagined my next blog will be. This is what happened.

3:45pm today I started typing my latest blog entitled CR Confessions. Not everyone knew that I write my blogs impromptu. I don't draft it like everyone else and edit it later on. I always write whatever comes right on my mind. So, back to my story, I"ve been typing for almost half an hour already when I remembered I have to cook sinigang for dinner(dinner is @ 5:30pm). So I got up from my computer and went down stairs to prepare for it. At that point 2/3 of my blog has been done. Dinner is served. We ate, washed the dishes and I came back infront of my computer to finish what I started and 15 minutes later my blog is ready for publishing. But due to a very unfortunate event, Internet Explorer hanged and everything started freezing. And I was like, "OMG! OMG! OMG!", "HELL NO!" So after all the cursing and fussing. Internet explorer came up again. And as you have probably guessed by now, everything that I wrote within the past hour was all gone! Zero! Zapped! Oh, its so frustrating when such unexpected things like this happens. Now I know why most people blogging do drafts and its because of this kinds of accidents. Now I learned my lesson. And sadly, I learned it the hard way! Oh crap!!! Oh well, back to the drawing board... So, you just have to do with this for now.

So when you yourself experience such frustrating situation try this.

"Take it all out! Fuss. Curse. Scream. Then take slow, deep breaths. Your body will begin to calm, and the mind will soon follow."

Then smile. Coz no matter how frustrating the situation is there is always a way out. Just like what I always say "Everything happens for a reason..." Just like what happened to me moments ago. I just reminded myself that I could just rewrite it again. Then at the back of my mind I was like "As if thats going to be easy, like duh?!?"

Oh well, keep on blogging. Stay safe.

My own for the first time..

Sun, 23 Mar 2008 23:08:43 +0700

Well, well, well... How do I start this? They say first impressions lasts... So to make my mark in this cyberspace I've decided to make my own page. My site for now is still under construction. So for my first blog, I wanted to give you an insight on what you could expect from me.. Actually I got a lot to say, however, my thoughts are still disoriented from trying to finish this site for y'all to see. So, there... for my first blog... its all excuses and reasons.. hahaha... Now you think that I'm so lame... oh well, that will give you enough reasons to come and visit me once again and see what I really have to say in my next blog..

so for now, this will be it.. ciao everyone!